I write this letter to relieve myself and others of so much doubt and pity that is carried around for so long, blaming yourself for his addiction, and making it yours. When you have an Alchohlic spouse or partner, you do everything in your power to protect them, you lie for them, you become a great pretender of "did he just call me that" or "is that alcohol on your breath" when he promised he quit again, for the 29th time. Women of Alcoholic men adjust to this sick and unhealthy lifestyle and they don't second guess things for a long time and then one day.....
Clarity comes and gives you a serious wake up call, and you begin to wonder how the strong one let this get this far and why are you still there, you didn't sign up for this part of game, and before you know it, you look up and all your friends are gone and you are programmed to be an alcoholics wife, living in prison without shackles, because Alcoholics have a way of making their addiction your addiction.
An alcoholic doesn't understand that when he has a drink or two or fifteen his entire demeanor changes, so you scuttle around and try to figure out how am I going to keep the kids from seeing him in this condition. The Alcoholics wife is always on edge worried about saying the wrong word to set him off so a fight doesn't breakout, and alcoholics wife spends the majority of her time cleaning up her Alcoholic husbands or partners mess because it has become second nature because of the guilt he pours on you that is associated with addiction.
There are so many times she wants to leave and when he's sober, he is so sorry, his guilt kicks in and suddenly the gifts and smiles and roses just don't work anymore The only gift you want now is his sobriety and I know that sounds like a lot and then you began to waiver should I stay with him? how could I leave him in this condition but in reality being together is toxic and a separation would be the best thing in the world for the both of you, but then he takes a drink again, and he changes and its very scary because you never know who is going to come through the door, what kind of mood he will be in and if will accuse you of trying to break the family up and tell you it's your fault that things aren't working out and then when he is sober again he is so apologetic and most times he really has no clue of the harsh words he said to you the night before, he has no clue how many hours he slept soring while you lay next to him praying he doesn't miss a breathe and he doesn't die in his sleep.
You become, mother, father, priest, nurse, counselor and sound board. You become consumed in his addiction and you loose yourself, and before you know it years have passed, you have gotten older and your kids have grown up and they begin to ask questions that you really don't want to answer. This is a heavy burden, your life is a lie, a constant fight for just a little piece of sanity you wonder "why can't he just stop if he loves me so much" It's not you, it's the disease and it's his choice to stop and now you have to start making your own decisions for you and the ones you love.
Alcoholics suffer from a disease that isn't cured with a few pills or a few days being sober, sobriety is a life long commitment. but for the alcoholics wife you are addicted to him and his addiction. It's a never ending cycle until you BREAK IT. As a wife you need to make a firm decision and set boundaries and do not waiver in those decisions, be firm on the things you will and will not tolerate and if it comes down to him choosing his drink over you and your family and it will come down to that one day, and s if you haven't asked that question yet and your reading this blog it's time, regardless how much you love him, let him go, because you have to love yourself more.
When you are trying to find just a little peace, just a little bit of consistency from his crazy behavior he will try and manipulate the situation to make you feel sorry for him, he will promise again to stop he will promise to do better, to seek help, but he never does, so now you need to be smart, always be prepared for the worse but hope for the best, there should be no doubt or guilt about your love remember you fell in love with the man not his disease, we hate the disease but you can never compete with the drink.
We don't get married to get divorced, we get married for better or for worse, but you can only change yourself, and that's a great place to start, so invest in yourself, the drinking is his choice, pray for him, pray that one day he wont look up and his family is gone, pray for yourself that throughout this storm you can remain focused and sane on what your goals and plans are for yourself. Remind yourself just how strong you are, and if your lucky, you can find a friend to confide in, but in the meantime keep writing to me I will always right back. Stay Strong, Stand firm and "this to shall pass"
Signed
SNB
Clarity comes and gives you a serious wake up call, and you begin to wonder how the strong one let this get this far and why are you still there, you didn't sign up for this part of game, and before you know it, you look up and all your friends are gone and you are programmed to be an alcoholics wife, living in prison without shackles, because Alcoholics have a way of making their addiction your addiction.
An alcoholic doesn't understand that when he has a drink or two or fifteen his entire demeanor changes, so you scuttle around and try to figure out how am I going to keep the kids from seeing him in this condition. The Alcoholics wife is always on edge worried about saying the wrong word to set him off so a fight doesn't breakout, and alcoholics wife spends the majority of her time cleaning up her Alcoholic husbands or partners mess because it has become second nature because of the guilt he pours on you that is associated with addiction.
There are so many times she wants to leave and when he's sober, he is so sorry, his guilt kicks in and suddenly the gifts and smiles and roses just don't work anymore The only gift you want now is his sobriety and I know that sounds like a lot and then you began to waiver should I stay with him? how could I leave him in this condition but in reality being together is toxic and a separation would be the best thing in the world for the both of you, but then he takes a drink again, and he changes and its very scary because you never know who is going to come through the door, what kind of mood he will be in and if will accuse you of trying to break the family up and tell you it's your fault that things aren't working out and then when he is sober again he is so apologetic and most times he really has no clue of the harsh words he said to you the night before, he has no clue how many hours he slept soring while you lay next to him praying he doesn't miss a breathe and he doesn't die in his sleep.
You become, mother, father, priest, nurse, counselor and sound board. You become consumed in his addiction and you loose yourself, and before you know it years have passed, you have gotten older and your kids have grown up and they begin to ask questions that you really don't want to answer. This is a heavy burden, your life is a lie, a constant fight for just a little piece of sanity you wonder "why can't he just stop if he loves me so much" It's not you, it's the disease and it's his choice to stop and now you have to start making your own decisions for you and the ones you love.
Alcoholics suffer from a disease that isn't cured with a few pills or a few days being sober, sobriety is a life long commitment. but for the alcoholics wife you are addicted to him and his addiction. It's a never ending cycle until you BREAK IT. As a wife you need to make a firm decision and set boundaries and do not waiver in those decisions, be firm on the things you will and will not tolerate and if it comes down to him choosing his drink over you and your family and it will come down to that one day, and s if you haven't asked that question yet and your reading this blog it's time, regardless how much you love him, let him go, because you have to love yourself more.
When you are trying to find just a little peace, just a little bit of consistency from his crazy behavior he will try and manipulate the situation to make you feel sorry for him, he will promise again to stop he will promise to do better, to seek help, but he never does, so now you need to be smart, always be prepared for the worse but hope for the best, there should be no doubt or guilt about your love remember you fell in love with the man not his disease, we hate the disease but you can never compete with the drink.
We don't get married to get divorced, we get married for better or for worse, but you can only change yourself, and that's a great place to start, so invest in yourself, the drinking is his choice, pray for him, pray that one day he wont look up and his family is gone, pray for yourself that throughout this storm you can remain focused and sane on what your goals and plans are for yourself. Remind yourself just how strong you are, and if your lucky, you can find a friend to confide in, but in the meantime keep writing to me I will always right back. Stay Strong, Stand firm and "this to shall pass"
Signed
SNB
No comments:
Post a Comment