Friday, April 18, 2014

Who am I

This year has been one of the most trying years of my life. Ive struggled with my past, my future and the realization and acceptance that I have no real control on my life. Many times Ive heard " what god has for you, he has for you" but I never took the time out to fully digest that. I always thought I was in control of my success, my marriage, my children's lives and how I would play all my cards, and one day it all stopped.

I realized my life was emotinally falling apart and everything I wanted to do just wasnt happening the way I thought it should, people call them roadblocks, diversions, distractions, but I knew it was something bigger then that and I had to make a decisoin to slow down and just listen.  

Does cheating mean the end of the relationship?


You been together 10 years, you always had a gut feeling your man was cheating but you could never be 100% sure until one day the phone rings, "hi this is so and so is your man there? wow is your first response but then you begin to bait the chic,  you start asking questions and find out way more than  wanted to know.

He's been cheating, he's been sneaking around behind your back for almost a year now What do you do?

1. leave him
2. kill him
3. work it out

The common theme seems to be to leave him thats it, it over, but is that always the only option? when you love someone I mean really love someone; some relationships are worth saving. when you get cheated on it shouldnt always mean the end of your relationship talk about it, find out why there was this break in communication, why was there a need to go outside the relationship

What would you do?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Are you being Controlled in your relationship

Warning Signs to look for in a controlling relationship


Isolates you from family and friends
To control someone, you need to isolate the person. In controlling relationships, the controller, will cut you off from all your friends, family and colleagues especially if he thinks they are a threat and may be telling you about his bad behavior. His goal is to get everyone out of the picture that might be telling you the truth about him.
The controller does so because, he/she feels that the people around you may influence you against him/her. A controller lives in such unbound insecurity, that he/she believes that you will walk away from the relationship at the drop of the hat. A controller will make false accusations and will verbally abuse you if she/she sees you socializing. This will make you feel guilty and imbibe a feeling of remain aloof from the social circuit.


Uses Money to control you and the situation
  • A manipulative man may try to convince his partner that she needs him financially. He may spend lots of money on her in the beginning of the relationship to get her used to living well and receiving plenty of gifts. He may even invite her to move in and encourage her to quit her job so that she has few options if she decides to leave. He begins to spend less money on you as the relationship continues, this sometimes is his way of regaining control

    Acts Depressed

    • Manipulative men often act depressed or even suicidal when their partners consider ending the relationship. He may say something like, "I can't live without you" or "I am going to hurt myself if you leave and it will be your fault." this tactic is to make you feel bad and you find yourself staying even longer.

    You want to leave; but you feel stucK


     It is not uncommon for people stuck in controlling relationships to dream about a better life with a brighter relationship and this could just be a brighter relationship with yourself. This feeling arises because you have let your life be dominated by a relationship to the extent of losing touch with yourself and your needs. The best thing to do after ending a controlling realtionship is to take some time to get to know your self before diving into another unhealthy relationship.


IF YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THESE WARNING SIGNS; YOU ARE PROBABLY IN A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP. PART II WILL DISCUSS HOW TO START GETTING OUT OF A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP AND MOVING ONTO A MORE HEALTHY LIFE

Sunday, January 13, 2013

"The side chick usually never wins"


"OOPS DID I DO THAT"




Such a common theme when you ask a woman "why did you do that" and the answer is usually " I LOVE him" really... I guess we all have been in relationships that we look back on and wonder damn I did that?


Love is such a crazy thing, it can consume you, confuse you, compliment you and often leave you scratching your head thinking damn " I did that" yep you did that...


This blog is for a reader who asked "is it stupid to be his side chick" even though he makes her so happy. My first response is; what is your definition of happy? and are you okay with laying up with another woman's husband, PLAYING house almost everyday until 8:30 pm because that's when you have to put your toy away so he can get home and get back to his reality and his happy!


If you can go to bed and not be affected by the fact he has a wife a child and a home just 5 miles away then I guess your not stupid! But you are in a no win situation! Married men may like to play house ,but very few of them actually leave their home or their wife.


So as you wait for your bell to ring the next time he comes over, telling you how hard is dick is and not his day; ask yourself again "am I stupid for being his side chick" See what he says. TTYL

 Fucking around with married men isn't my favorite because Ive been cheated on and no he never left to be with the side chick, but it doesnt change the fact, that shit hurts. I would have to call this the BULLSHIT PART of the blog! Girl do better! You are wife material.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Happy New Year, what changes have you made in your love life?  I made some

Well, its been awhile since I blogged and mostly because Ive been pretty busy working on myself, my marriage and what direction I wanted my life to go in.

During  this time and  these changes, I realized how little control I had over my life and why all the decisions I was trying to make were always  unsuccessful. I really began to question, Is it me? am I crazy, are things falling apart around me because of something I'm doing wrong or something I did wrong or even someone. Then, out of nowhere I was instructed to get on my knees, I begin to pray, and pray and pray and one day it just came to me"Stephanie you have tried everything else, now try GOD".... 

I was always a believer in what will be will be, and now that I have committed my life to GOD and every  decision I make he has to be in it this new way of thinking made me realize that this is what was missing from my life. Ive been lied too, deceived by many, taken advantage of by the ones who called me friend. I was very bitter, often revengful, because I couldn't understand WHY ME. until my GOD answered "WHY NOT"I had been walking without faith for so many years that eventually all my skeletons would catch up to me..and my grass would get cut and the snakes would be revealed and they did, and I am so grateful to sit here tonight and be at peace with who I am, I feel deserving, I have no regrets Im a honest woman, a smart woman, a wonderful mother, a tarnished solider, a fighter for love a survivour, and a winner! and I know these things becasue of the love Ive found!

It feels good to know that any battle that may come my way I will not fight alone, and I pray for my foes, for all the lost souls still wondering through life blinded and aimlessly lost and still looking for what will never exist without his hands being in it.

  So tonight I asked "what changes have you made in your love life", well... I have fallen in love with myself, by the way of GOD because no man will ever love me, like he does.

Happy New You,
Never stop searching for the truth
and don't be afraid to hear it when it comes

Sunday, May 20, 2012

When a women mentally detaches herself from you it's over



I stayed in a relationship for over five years because I fooled myself into believing he would change, but in reality it was me that needed to change and part of that change was letting him go, he was holding me back , not physically but mentally because I spent so much energy into putting him and his needs first and I forgot about what I wanted in my own life.
As women, most of us constantly feel the need to protect our men, be loyal to our men to prove to them just how far we will run the distance for them, and after all the running, loving, hurting, and fighting, we are left standing looking in the mirror, thinking where has all the time gone. Who am I without him? 
What happens is that we forget about ourselves our dreams become their dreams and our voices become silent then our hearts become silent and finally we become stale. 
Alot of men don't realize, women are like flowers, we need watered daily, we need loved we need touched and most of the time they don't even notice we are wiltering, until its to late and mentally we a have already detached ourselves from the relationship and another thing men don't realize that once we have made our mind up to move on, it’s to late. Were gone!

A letter from Lisa in Minneapolis thanks for letting me telling it!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Chronicles of an Esthetician May 2012


Today I had to wax some brows in a professional enviroment,  outside of school, and all I could think about was, wow this girl has the eyebrows of a 10 year old Mexican Boy and please lord let me get through this . 

Signed 
NO I.D.