Never be afraid to push the reset button

As summer ends, I realize I have no control over what other people think, say or especially what they do. What I do realize if I'm in a situation that is not healthy for me spiritually, mentally or physically then I have the power to remove myself from it without the worry of repercussions. My life is very valuable to the ones I love and love me. My happiness in non negotiable anymore.

Life will challenge us all the time, and when it does we have to assess; how does this make me feel? how will I benefit from this? and will this challenge help me progress or regress? Life is so short so spending it with the people I love is very important. Moments are just that, moments but what we choose to do with the moments is what makes them so special. I choose to embrace all the moments I have left in life good bad and ugly, and take it all in, moments turn into memories and life turns into minutes then seconds and its how you choose to spend each is totally up to you. 

My time is exactly that, my time, no one can waste it but me, no one has that power, if I'm not passionate about what I'm doing anymore I will stop and figure out am I doing it wrong or maybe I'm no longer getting the satisfaction I used to get from doing it. The gift to push the reset button is the ultimate reward.

The same with people, it they are not around to build me up they are only there to bring me down. I understand a woman like me with a spirit that is so full and loving is hard to handle for most, but this is who GOD made me and I love who I am, and I refuse to Dim my light to make you feel comfortable in your skin and if you don't like it, here's your choice.... stay away. 

I've loved I've lost and I continue to learn and I understand this is a part of my life and I accept the challenge.

~secrets keep us sick~

  

78 months feels like a death sentence!

African Americans now constitute nearly 1 million of the total 2.3 million incarcerated population

78 months ....6 1/2 years.....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then silence was all I heard after the verdict was read  and the  DA twitched about in his khaki pants sitting straight up in his chair completely content that he just helped  send another black man, another child's father, another woman's husband to prison for 2,372 days I just wanted to scream " is this justice"  

My husband didn't have a chance when they brought up his past digressions, but the judge used his  discretion in his verdict.  My husband is no saint by any means, but who are we to judge? Judge! now this is BULLSHIT!... to be continued....

Who am I

This year has been one of the most trying years of my life. Ive struggled with my past, my future and the realization and acceptance that I have no real control on my life. Many times Ive heard " what god has for you, he has for you" but I never took the time out to fully digest that. I always thought I was in control of my success, my marriage, my children's lives and how I would play all my cards, and one day it all stopped.

I realized my life was emotinally falling apart and everything I wanted to do just wasnt happening the way I thought it should, people call them roadblocks, diversions, distractions, but I knew it was something bigger then that and I had to make a decisoin to slow down and just listen.  

Does cheating mean the end of the relationship?

You been together 10 years, you always had a gut feeling your man was cheating but you could never be 100% sure until one day the phone rings, "hi this is so and so is your man there? wow is your first response but then you begin to bait the chic,  you start asking questions and find out way more than  wanted to know.

He's been cheating, he's been sneaking around behind your back for almost a year now What do you do?

1. leave him
2. kill him
3. work it out

The common theme seems to be to leave him thats it, it over, but is that always the only option? when you love someone I mean really love someone; some relationships are worth saving. when you get cheated on it shouldnt always mean the end of your relationship talk about it, find out why there was this break in communication, why was there a need to go outside the relationship

What would you do?

Are you being Controlled in your relationship

Warning Signs to look for in a controlling relationship

Isolates you from family and friends

To control someone, you need to isolate the person. In controlling relationships, the controller, will cut you off from all your friends, family and colleagues especially if he thinks they are a threat and may be telling you about his bad behavior. His goal is to get everyone out of the picture that might be telling you the truth about him.

The controller does so because, he/she feels that the people around you may influence you against him/her. A controller lives in such unbound insecurity, that he/she believes that you will walk away from the relationship at the drop of the hat. A controller will make false accusations and will verbally abuse you if she/she sees you socializing. This will make you feel guilty and imbibe a feeling of remain aloof from the social circuit.

Uses Money to control you and the situation

• A manipulative man may try to convince his partner that she needs him financially. He may spend lots of money on her in the beginning of the relationship to get her used to living well and receiving plenty of gifts. He may even invite her to move in and encourage her to quit her job so that she has few options if she decides to leave. He begins to spend less money on you as the relationship continues, this sometimes is his way of regaining control

  Acts Depressed

  • Manipulative men often act depressed or even suicidal when their partners consider ending the relationship. He may say something like, "I can't live without you" or "I am going to hurt myself if you leave and it will be your fault." this tactic is to make you feel bad and you find yourself staying even longer.

  
  

  You want to leave; but you feel stucK

  
  

   It is not uncommon for people stuck in controlling relationships to dream about a better life with a brighter relationship and this could just be a brighter relationship with yourself. This feeling arises because you have let your life be dominated by a relationship to the extent of losing touch with yourself and your needs. The best thing to do after ending a controlling realtionship is to take some time to get to know your self before diving into another unhealthy relationship.

IF YOU CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THESE WARNING SIGNS; YOU ARE PROBABLY IN A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP. PART II WILL DISCUSS HOW TO START GETTING OUT OF A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP AND MOVING ONTO A MORE HEALTHY LIFE

"The side chick usually never wins"

"OOPS DID I DO THAT"

Such a common theme when you ask a woman "why did you do that" and the answer is usually " I LOVE him" really... I guess we all have been in relationships that we look back on and wonder damn I did that?


Love is such a crazy thing, it can consume you, confuse you, compliment you and often leave you scratching your head thinking damn " I did that" yep you did that...


This blog is for a reader who asked "is it stupid to be his side chick" even though he makes her so happy. My first response is; what is your definition of happy? and are you okay with laying up with another woman's husband, PLAYING house almost everyday until 8:30 pm because that's when you have to put your toy away so he can get home and get back to his reality and his happy!


If you can go to bed and not be affected by the fact he has a wife a child and a home just 5 miles away then I guess your not stupid! But you are in a no win situation! Married men may like to play house ,but very few of them actually leave their home or their wife.


So as you wait for your bell to ring the next time he comes over, telling you how hard is dick is and not his day; ask yourself again "am I stupid for being his side chick" See what he says. TTYL

 Fucking around with married men isn't my favorite because Ive been cheated on and no he never left to be with the side chick, but it doesnt change the fact, that shit hurts. I would have to call this the BULLSHIT PART of the blog! Girl do better! You are wife material.

Happy New Year, what changes have you made in your love life?  I made some

Well, its been awhile since I blogged and mostly because Ive been pretty busy working on myself, my marriage and what direction I wanted my life to go in.

During  this time and  these changes, I realized how little control I had over my life and why all the decisions I was trying to make were always  unsuccessful. I really began to question, Is it me? am I crazy, are things falling apart around me because of something I'm doing wrong or something I did wrong or even someone. Then, out of nowhere I was instructed to get on my knees, I begin to pray, and pray and pray and one day it just came to me"Stephanie you have tried everything else, now try GOD".... 

I was always a believer in what will be will be, and now that I have committed my life to GOD and every  decision I make he has to be in it this new way of thinking made me realize that this is what was missing from my life. Ive been lied too, deceived by many, taken advantage of by the ones who called me friend. I was very bitter, often revengful, because I couldn't understand WHY ME. until my GOD answered "WHY NOT"I had been walking without faith for so many years that eventually all my skeletons would catch up to me..and my grass would get cut and the snakes would be revealed and they did, and I am so grateful to sit here tonight and be at peace with who I am, I feel deserving, I have no regrets Im a honest woman, a smart woman, a wonderful mother, a tarnished solider, a fighter for love a survivour, and a winner! and I know these things becasue of the love Ive found!

It feels good to know that any battle that may come my way I will not fight alone, and I pray for my foes, for all the lost souls still wondering through life blinded and aimlessly lost and still looking for what will never exist without his hands being in it.

  So tonight I asked "what changes have you made in your love life", well... I have fallen in love with myself, by the way of GOD because no man will ever love me, like he does.

Happy New You,

Never stop searching for the truth

and don't be afraid to hear it when it comes